Machine Gun Kelly Reveals He Tried Suicide in New Doc

Content material warning: This submit discusses suicide.

In his new Hulu documentary, “Life in Pink,” Colson Baker, higher generally known as Machine Gun Kelly, gives an intimate take a look at a few of the most memorable and traumatic moments of his life, together with a suicide try following his father’s demise. As an adolescent, Kelly was rebellious, making a strained relationship along with his father that lasted for years. When his dad turned sick in 2019, the “Bloody Valentine” singer went to go to him, stirring up advanced feelings that Kelly shared on Twitter. “flew out to see my dad as we speak. broke down in my daughters arms when i noticed him,” he wrote on Dec. 24, 2019. “I ought to’ve advised him that I beloved him years in the past. breaks my f*ckin coronary heart that we wasted all this time . . . “

On the one-year anniversary of his fourth studio album, “Resort Diablo,” Kelly introduced that his father had died that very same morning. “i had plans for the one 12 months anniversary of Resort Diablo as we speak,” he tweeted on July 5, 2020. “that album was all the things i wished to say and i do know it is near my followers. however my father took his final breath this morning, and i have by no means felt a ache this deep in my life.‬”

Midway by the documentary, which was launched on June 28, the “Papercuts” singer candidly defined the darkish spiral he went into following his father’s demise. “I flew to my dad’s house to clear all these items out. I had this actually bizarre interplay with this neighbor who advised me all these items I did not wish to hear,” he mentioned within the movie, in response to People. “That f*cked me up much more as a result of I could not get closure on it. I would not depart my room and I began getting actually, actually, actually darkish.”

On the time, Kelly was reliant on medicine to deal with his grief. Whereas his then-girlfriend, Megan Fox, was overseas filming a film in Bulgaria, Kelly “snapped” and threatened to take his personal life. “I saved getting paranoid that somebody was gonna come and kill me,” he mentioned. “I’d at all times sleep with a shotgun subsequent to my mattress, and like, one of many days, I simply f*cking snapped. I referred to as Megan, I used to be like, ‘You are not right here for me.’ I am in my room and I am like freaking out on her and, dude, I put the shotgun in my mouth and I am yelling on the telephone and just like the barrel’s in my mouth. I am going to cock the shotgun and the bullet because it comes again up, the shell simply will get jammed. Megan’s like lifeless silent.”

Following the incident, Fox and Kelly’s 12-year-old daughter, Casie Colson Baker, overtly mentioned the exterior affect of his drug dependency and persuaded him to hunt assist. “They concurrently got here at me with this like, ‘I wish to like, have the ability to see in your eyes. I do not wish to like be speaking to you thru a veil anymore. I wish to see you as my father and I wish to see you as my husband-to-be,'” he mentioned. “I used to be like, ‘I must kick the medicine, for actual this time.'”

Regardless of the darkish intervals he is endured, Kelly added that his present drug of alternative is “happiness and dedication to the artwork, somewhat than dedication to a vice that I believed made the artwork. I am taking steps. I had my first remedy session final Thursday. That is the primary time I ever went, ‘Hey, I must separate these two individuals,’ which is Machine Gun Kelly and Colson Baker. The dichotomy is just too intense for me.”

In the event you or a beloved one are experiencing suicidal ideation or are in danger, the Nationwide Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a number of assets and a 24/7 lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.